I am a pessimist but I’m trying to, as of lately, not think so negatively- especially when things are going well. I always expect something bad to happen once I get too comfortable.

D is seemingly perfect. We’ve been out 3 times and every time we go out- I feel like I’m in a movie from the ’40s when chivalry was still alive. The sad part is I’m not used to this- it’s almost like I’m a rabbit that was locked in a cage for 12 years, while having mascara put on me 12 hours a day- then was suddenly let out into the outside world where lipliner on a rabbit is not a normal occurrence. D is a fucking gentleman. He took me out mini golfing, he bought me dinner, he MADE dessert, he opened the car door, he held out his hand to help me up a step. He dresses nice, he smells nice, he LOOKS nice. He is the hottest MAN I have ever gone out on a date with. But wait… there’s something else…

“Let me see it” I said after we finished dessert and a few cocktails, “I want to see ALL your tools.” D grabbed me by the hand and took me to his bedroom closet, then flicked on the light. There, on the far end of his closet, was a wall filled with bdsm paraphernalia- Ropes, collars, gags, whips, handcuffs, spreaders… you name it. “Oh hello…” I breathed, “Baby’s home!” I pushed D out of the closet and closed the door on myself- I could here him laughing on the other side of the door. When I opened the door he was unbuttoning his shirt, “Care to take a shower with me?” I just stared at him for a moment and stammered, “I uhhh.. hehheh” Jesus Christ this man is gorgeous. Ok play it cool, be calm. “Ok,” I said unbuttoning my dress, “You can soap me up.”

Two hours later:

You would think that, after all that- it would have been a mind blowing experience. But sadly, it was not. D blindfolded me, tied me up, lightly whipped me, etc.. But something about it was so contrived. It was almost to manual. He said he dommed lite because he knew it was my first time. But there was just something missing. Here was a rich, chivalrous, attractive man bdsm-ing me, and I hardly felt anything. It was too 50 shades a grey, it was too romantic, it was too sugary. I slept over, and he made me breakfast the next morning and we had a fantastic conversation about music and life. He dropped me off and told me, “till next time.” I’m not holding my breath- If I hear from him fantastic! If I don’t, then it’s ok. He’s too good to be true and I don’t think I can handle that right now.