Who: AM (Early 40’s, Aquarius, Artist, The Last One Standing)

I met AM sometime in late 2018 while I was going through my “experiment” of power dating (and sleeping) around. At first, nothing really stood out to me, in fact, he really wasn’t my type. Blonde, blue-eyed, a bit of a bro- but with better music taste. To me, he seemed like he just arrived from a small town in Indiana that still had a Soda Fountain shop and a Woolworth’s. I didn’t really think much after the date except that he seemed like a nice, normal, but slightly boring guy- and left it at that.

He would randomly text me to hang out and invite me to shows. At that time, I had been involved with MM (and 3 other guys) and also involved in 3 music projects, so my life was very busy. I barely paid any attention to AM and really didn’t bother getting to know him other than casually. One random night after going to a show, I decided to see if I could sleep with him… and I did. It wasn’t very mind blowing, or eventful. In fact, it was awkward and he wasn’t very good.

Because he lived near me and it was convenient, we’d hook up and hang once in a while. The sex got better but it was like McDonalds coffee. Not the best- but you drink it anyways because it’s the nearest thing. Sometime around the 4 month mark I had to end it with AM because I was going through some heavy trauma with MM (more on that later). I reconnected with AM 3 or 4 months later hooking up again, and then… the pandemic hit.

There was a lot that happened those 3 years. It’s too much to write and process, but basically what happened is that I got to know AM. What happened was that I started to really like him. What happened was that I let myself become soft and vulnerable for the first time in my life.

We’re dating, but not exclusively. I am not seeing any one else. I can’t possibly.

I told myself that after this, I’m done. I can’t take any more.

He’s the last one standing, and the last one I’ll ever let in.