Author: bassfishgirl

#32 MM Not-So-Dom-Daddy (Part I)

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Who: MM (52, Aquarius, Divorced, 2 Kids, Published Writer, Drummer, tall, slim, nice eyes, dark and intense personality)
Where: 10pm, Sunset Park (his house)

I am fucking Daddy in the ass with a toy. He is laying on his back, on the couch- legs splayed and up in the air. “Talk to me…” he said, as I massage his hole and insert the tip of the toy in slowly and deliberately.

“Daddy’s a nasty bitch” I whisper,  “Daddy’s such a filthy ass slut, taking his toy and liking it.” Daddy moans as I simultaneously probe his ass and give him a handjob. “Take it Daddy, ” I continue, “You’ve been very bad and you deserve to be PUNISHED.” I try to not let my voice crack in nervousness or laughter. This is a first for both of us. How the fuck did I get here?!?

11 months ago: I matched with MM on Tinder. At 50, he was a little past my age range (I generally go for 38-48). But something about his photos drew me in- he had a kind face and a shy smile, most of his photos showed him smiling and squinting into the camera. His profile was sparse, it only said “Writer.”

“Hello,” he wrote, “How’s your day going? I noticed you play bass! That is way cool. I used to play drums for an Indie band.”

I had been wandering around Williamsburg enjoying the mid-August weather and I sat down at a cafe to chat with him. “Hi!” I responded, “Yes I play bass for a few bands. You’re a writer? What kind of stuff do you write?”

We chatted for most of the day and I found out he had several novels that were published that were in the thriller/suspense genre. Unbeknownst to him, I found a few excerpts of his book and read a handful of reviews. “Really fucked up.” One reviewer wrote. “Ugh,” another reviewer commented, “Really creepy.. I couldn’t sleep after reading this book.”

My eyes widened, “Hey,” I typed, “Want to grab a drink sometime?”

3 days later, 7pm: I’m walking through midtown Manhattan on my way to meet MM at an Irish pub to watch the Mayweather/McGregor Boxing match. (I’m a huge MMA fan and was obsessed with McGregor at that time, and the McGregor/Mayweather match was historic. Connor McGregor, who is an MMA fighter, was crossing over into boxing to compete against Floyd Mayweather, Jr. who was coming out of retirement for this one fight.) We decided on this low-key Irish Pub on the west side. “Hey,” MM texted, “I’m inside, downstairs, in the back… I got us table seats.” I nervously touched up my make-up, took a deep breath, and walked in.

The first thing I noticed was how tall MM was. He stood up when he saw me and gave me the seat next to him (The bar was packed for this event, and we were sharing the table with a very nice Cuban couple who was rooting for Mayweather.)

“Hi..” he said, as I sat down. He offered his hand- I shook it, then looked up. Oh holy shit.. this guy is a man, like a real adult man in the wild. I had mostly gone on dates with 40 year old hipster man-children who lived like they were in their 20’s, free from any responsibility, drinking happy hour $3 beers, living with IKEA furniture and 3 roommates in some overcrowded, overpriced apartment in Williamsburg.

MM looked like he had responsibilities- and of course he did, he had two daughters to raise. “Hi,” I said nervously, “Nice to finally meet you.” We ordered our drinks (Guinness and a shot of whiskey) and proceeded to spend the next 6 hours drinking, chatting and waiting for the goddamn main card to start. (We didn’t realize there were pre-fights before the main fight and the main event started well after midnight.)

MM is a good conversationalist. I’ve never had anyone ask me so many questions and really listen. I think because he’s a writer, so he’s very curious about people. Throughout the fight, we exchanged stories, talked music, talked shit. I was having fun. Sometime around the 5th drink, I began wondering what it would be like to kiss him. Fuck.. I wonder if he likes me. Ugh, he hasn’t really done anything to let me know he’s interested. Wait, I think he did touch my back when he came back from the bathroom to sit back down, but maybe it was a mistake? Need to think fast.. the fight is almost over!!

I leaned in slowly while we were talking. He seemed unfazed. Fuck. Fuck!!! Ok drastic measures. I gently put my feet on the lower edge of his chair while facing him. 1/2 hour later the fight was done. One last whiskey shot, a little tipsy we headed out.

I’m walking with MM toward my train on 34th street and we’re silent. I’m still not sure if he’s even remotely interested in me, but at this point I don’t give a fuck anymore. It’s 2 am and I’m tired. “Ok,” I said as I stop in front of my station, “I’m taking this train- it was nice to meet you and hang out.. I’m bummed McGregor lost, but at least he fought a good fight.”

“Yea maybe he’ll win the next one.” MM said looking down. Awkward pause. Oh shit, oh shit.. what do I do?!?!?!? I don’t know what came over me, perhaps it was the last whiskey shot, perhaps it was watching all the blood and gore of the boxing match, but I leaned in and just kissed him. We stood there for a few minutes kissing and MM pulled away. He grinned with his eyes squinty… “I’m staying uptown tonight, do you want to come over?” I hesitated.

“No, it’s ok..” I said, turning away. “Have a good night.” I walked down the stairs, not looking back. I just left him standing there.

MM never called me back and I never expected him to. It’s ok, I thought, he seemed really, really boring and vanilla anyways- and wayyyyy too old for me. I tried to console myself. I pushed that date out of my mind and forgot about him. I forgot, until he texted me 6 months later out of the blue.

“Hey it’s me- MM, remember me?”

(…to be continued)

#61 N – The Beginning

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Who: N (45, Taurus, Newly Separated, 2 kids, Preppy polo shirt, nice hair, cute face)
Where: K-Town (32nd Street, NYC)

I’ve been there before. I’m watching N singing heavy metal songs at a small, hidden karaoke bar on 32nd street between two Korean BBQ joints. As soon as he sat down, he immediately made friends with the couple next to him as I ordered us drinks to pay him back for our pre-dinner drinks and dinner. As I ordered two vodka sodas, I watch him out of the corner of my eye- He’s excited, he’s elated to be out. He seems happy because everything is new, and anything is possible- I am his second online date.

I met N two weeks ago on Tinder. He contacted me first.

“Hey there! Your profile looks cool. Do you play bass???”

“Yes, I do.” I replied, “I play bass for a post-punk band but I used to play stoner rock, shoegaze, and indie in my old bands”. We chatted about music we liked, I found out he used to play drums in a metal band. (Very common for me, I always match with Drummers- *shrug* must be a percussion-section-bond thing since I play bass)  We chatted about light subjects- like how the weather in New York is absolutely terrible (always raining and humid during this summer), our jobs (Him: Financial Advisor, Me: Graphic Designer, what kind of foods we like (Him: Japanese and Thai, Me: Japanese and Vietnamese- me), etc..

After a few days of chatting, curious, I asked him, “So what’s your deal? Why on you here- and how is Tinder treating you?”

“Well..” he typed, “I’m new, and, just to let you know- newly separated. I was married for 18 years and it was weird, even though I was “with someone” it was always lonely.”

I understand. I know exactly what that feeling is like. That feeling of someone being there-physically, lying in bed next to you at night, cuddling you, but feeling that they’re not completely there, or that you’re not there either.

“Tinder is ok I guess..” he continued, “I’m still getting used to it, so far I’m chatting with really nice and cool people- but I’m not really getting as many matches, is my profile ok? Do you have any suggestions?”

Thinking: Suggestions? Yeah, Run away… run far, far away. Let this sail out, then light this motherfucking ship on fire.

“Well,” I wrote back, “you could put up more photos! You’re lacking the basic photos that everyone seems to have- the gym selfie, the “partying-with-a-bunch-of-people-so-I-look-really-sociable-and-have-tons-of-friends” photo, photo with a motorcycle, the artistic black and white “looking contemplative” photo (works well if you show off your tattoo/tattoos), the here-i-am-with-a-child-but-don’t-worry-it’s-just-my-niece/nephew-photo, and my favorite.. the “look-at-me-i’m-a-musician-playing-my-instrument” photo…” I continued, “That’s it!! You play drums! You’re the most desirable of all the musicians!! You need to put up a photo of you playing drums… chicks will swipe right while creaming in their pants!!!”

“LOL” N replied. “So uh… when do we get to meet?”

Back to K-town…N is singing Slayer’s “Show No Mercy” with the guy next to him that he made friends with 5 minutes ago- and I’m impressed. He has a cute face, a nice body, a full set of hair, his personality is easygoing, he’s sociable, he’s smart, he’s sharp and he’s witty.

Back when we were eating dinner (Korean BBQ a few doors down) he asked me, “How did you end up on these dating sites?” I hesitated, chewing a mouthful of BBQ beef tongue. I didn’t want to reveal that I’ve been online dating for a little over 2 years. 2 years of dating, 2 years of swiping, 2 years of texting, 2 years of after-work drink dates, 2 years of hookups, 2 years of short week-long “relationships.”  I swallowed my food, “Well…” I answered, “to make things short, I was in a long-term relationship-8 years to be exact- he cheated on me, so we broke up, and here I am.” I said, “I understood completely what you were saying when you said that it was lonely, I experienced the same thing. The last few years of my relationship, I checked out… I think we both did. So, I’ve been dating around…it’s amazing and terrible. Amazing because I’m figuring out what I want and learning more about myself in the meantime. Terrible because it’s really difficult to find a real connection with someone.” “And,” I added, nodding my head, my eyes wide, “There’s a lot of crazies out there… You just need to be careful.”

N is back up again singing a Metallica song. He’s belting out the high notes like a pro. We are on our 2nd vodka soda (and our 4th drink of the night). Earlier I sang a Bangles song (my go-to karaoke song “In Your Room”, only because I love Susanna Hoffs, and not because I’m trying to send N subliminal messages or anything). N sits back down grinning, “This is great! I’m having so much fun.. You’re a really fun time.” I’m laughing and joking with him while we continue singing. (Me: Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” and later Fleetwood Mac “Dreams” Him: Maroon 5’s “She Will Be Loved” and later Metallica’s “Fade To Black”)

Some time in-between songs, I watched him, thinking, maybe this guy would be good for me. He seems like the kind of guy my mom and my friends would like me to end up with- professional, a good job, adult, down to earth. True- he did reveal to me that “dressing down” to him was wearing polo shirts which clashes with my worn rock t-shirts and leather leggings with motorcycle boots. I imagined dating him, meeting his kids, then becoming their step-mom. Ugh. I’m not sure if I’m step-mom material, I thought, as I guiltily chugged my 5th drink of the night.

It was 10:30pm and getting pretty late, N lived in CT and take the Metro-North, so we started wrapping it up. Sometime between the door and the train station, I stopped, and looked at him. “Hey… Do you, do you want to make out?” He looked at me and grinned, “Ok…”

We are making out on 32nd street after eating Korean BBQ and singing karaoke. N is a good kisser, and I run my hands through his hair. “I don’t want to leave yet,” he whispers, his eyes closed, “Let’s get another drink.” We pop into a whiskey bar and order one more drink, then proceed to make out.  He stops and looks at me “This is the first time in 18 years I’ve kissed someone besides my ex-wife!” “Oh… uh…” I reply, “Well I’m sorry?” I laugh nervously. “It’s good” he grins, “It’s fine…” He closes his eyes and kisses me again. We make out for another hour then head out. He drops me off at my station, we kiss and say our goodbyes. I watch him walk away- he looks excited, he’s elated to be out. He seems happy because everything is new, and anything is possible. I was his second online date.

I never hear from him after that. And it’s ok, because after two years- I’m used to this.